Even Later~

On the way home from the doctor I felt guilty for listening to this song a little too loudly. I started to think about the Super Bowl (naturally), and all the yummy stuff I could make. Then I started to think "What's wrong with you, woman?! You can't eat anything. You probably shouldn't even be watching a football game. Hell, you shouldn't even be listening to this sort of music." Then I listened to Classical music, and got stuck in traffic. Here I was, sitting in traffic, trying to find my calm place, worrying I'm going to explode - right there. Then I started to think about all the things I need to take care of before I can explode.

I'm not kidding. I need a break. A vacation. A cocktail(s).

Later~

The visit with the new doc went o.k. I was poked and prodded, and the results of the Pap and blood test are forthcoming. The bad news? I've got high blood pressure. 150-over-88. Me to nurse: "WTF?? (I didn't really say WTF, more like "no way - I'm just nervous...") I've got to make an appointment with an internist to determine whether I need something more than a diuretic to bring it down.

Here's the kicker:

The doc told me that if I "lost some weight, perhaps I could bring it down to within a normal range. Perhaps the diuretic would help with that."

Me. Some of you have seen me live-and-in-person. I don't have a "weight problem". I'm a size 4. You can see my ribs, for goodness sake.

(Side Story: I ran into my friend Kate a few minutes ago.

Me: "Hi. I've got high blood pressure, and I need to lose weight."

Kate gives me the up-and-down, and starts laughing. "Did she look at you?"

Me: "Yes. She was kind enough to even give me some helpful hints, like 'don't eat right before bedtime, and get your carbs first thing in the morning.' I didn't know what to say."

Kate: "You don't need to lose weight." )

At the end of the visit with the doc she told me I needed to give up coffee, take a daily multivitamin (evidently I'm not getting enough vitamins from my V8), and - again - emphasized I needed to lose a few pounds.

WTF??

Long-story-short. I'm a worrier. I get stressed out, bottle it up, and I could explode at any minute. She even mentioned "stroke".

Yikes.

I believe laughter is great medicine. Would someone please make me laugh.

~~~~~

I've got a doctors appointment this morning that's got me a little nervous. That's all I can really say right now, because thinking (or speaking, or writing) about it isn't really productive.

I feel kind of lonely, but I hate confrontation so much that I'd rather keep it all inside than say anything. (Hence the blog-therapy.)



hides tears in eyes, drinks her third glass of water, finishes her banana, and feels like she's living in someone else's body. time to face the music.

r.i.p.

I just heard about the passing of Billy May, music genius. He worked with the best, including The Chairman. (He also did the arranging on Come Dance With Me, and Come Swing With Me.) This was some upbeat stuff, folks.

Speaking of upbeat, I could really use some upbeatedness. (Talking about death is probably not the best way to achieve this goal.) Why don't we talk about sleep. I'm usually a chirpy, morning person. This is because I'm an expert sleeper. Seriously. I wear cute pajamas, and I'm cozy. I'm a human hot-water bottle. (Yeah, yeah - I am still the source of global warming.) Last night I started off pretty strong (I was in bed before 10:30 p.m.), but I finished poorly. I was up at 1:30 a.m., and I couldn't get back to sleep. Why? I was thinking again. Nothing profound, mind you, but still thinking. Example: I need to get new license plates. Should I get vanity plates like half the population of the Commonwealth of Virginia? What would my vanity plates say? (Yes, I know, license plates can't talk.) I need more Vitamin Rich V8. Etcetera...

Soooo, this morning I feel like I've got lead feet. It's gray and slushy outside, which is depressing. I've decided to pull myself out of this rut and do something out of character. Not sure exactly what that may be, but - damnit, I'll do something. (Sidenote: My horoscope is only half right so far. I hope my entourage doesn't get too disappointed...) ~

Today, Kelly, nothing will resist you! Your senses will be fully alert. You have an unbelievable power of attraction. Your entourage will probably be astonished to see you so full of energy, but they will also thrive on it. Try to stay as close to your personal feelings as you possibly can. Otherwise, they might play tricks on you!

chill out

You can listen to the entire new Air c.d. (Talkie Walkie) here.

Yesterday afternoon I fell asleep shortly before the snow started to fall. I'd been lying on the bed reading One Hundred Years of Solitude, and before I could make it to page 100 I nodded off. (Sidenote: Yes, this is an "Oprah" bookclub book. It was the kick-in-the-ass I needed to finally getting around to read it. It's soooo very good, but I can't have any sort of distractions while reading. No background noise at all. It's a literary narcotic.) I woke up an hour later, and noticed everything was white. I love to cook when the weather is bad, so I made baked tilapia with lemon, butter, cracked pepper, garlic, salt and paprika. I also made a simple salad of red lettuce and tomatoes, (Sidenote: I can hardly wait for spring. I'm sick of these icky tasteless tomatoes.) and a boatload of mashed potatoes (with horseradish.) Later, I put on my hat, gloves, and jacket and played a bit in the snow.

 
working off a few of the calories from all of the mashed potatoes, a.k.a. throwing like a girl

Getting in touch with your inner-six-year-old is good medicine. Today I'm tired, and a little wonky.

How are you?

A very dear man told me a long time ago that he loved watching me get angry.

Once upon a time I had to conduct a difficult meeting, and there was this woman that attended that I didn't get along with very well. She thought she was smarter than I was, and didn't try to hide the fact that she didn't think I was capable of being the chairperson of any sort of committee. I had my agenda, and was going through the line items, and she started grilling me. "Blah-blah-blah-do-you-even-know-what-your-job-title-means-blah-blah...."

My right foot began rapidly tapping under the table. I held onto my pen as if it were a weapon. I scooted my ass to the edge of the seat. I noticed the very dear man glance at me, and smile.

After the meeting was adjourned I stayed behind with him, and he began to laugh. "Did you know your ears turn red when you get mad?"

I tried to hide the tears in my eyes - I was so frustrated for letting this woman get to me. I turned to my friend and asked, "Did you hear her?!?" She told me - to my face - in front of everyone - that she didn't think I was capable of doing my job!"

My friend laughed, and said "I thought I was going to have to hold you down."

He had a gift of redirecting my anger, and calming me down. He assured me that my problems, no matter how silly or insignificant I believed them to be, mattered. I told him once that I felt guilty whining about crap like this, because God certainly didn't need to listen to me whine when there were people out there who had problems much more meaningful.

He told me "You are a meaningful person, therefore your problems and hurts are always important. There's no scorecard."

Last night I was reminded of that.

I was driving towards the Chesapeake Bay. I was fuming. My feelings were hurt. I'm sure my ears were red. I took a deep breath, and looked at the sky. It was purple, and pink (my favorite colors). I softened a little, and smiled. Then I noticed this older man trying to merge into traffic, so I let him in front of me. He glanced at me in his rearview mirror and waved. He kept waving this exaggerated, grateful wave that made me laugh. In less than a minute I've gone from fuming to laughing, and that's exactly how long it took for my plunging attitude to change.

This morning? I spoke with my friend Kate. Yesterday I'd gotten the impression that she was mad at me - that she was avoiding me. I was just being overly sensitive. (Sidenote: One of things I don't like about myself is that I'm too damn senstive. I feel like other people equate being vulnerable with being weak.) She said Charlie's brothers band is playing at some club in Norfolk tomorrow night, and she asked me to go. :-)

Have a nice weekend everyone.

the incredibly rambling linky-filled post

I've been sticking to this low-carb diet for a while, but last night I really needed pizza. I'd done all my exercising, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to give in to my urges. I ate two-and-one-half slices, and this morning my tummy's tsk-tsk-ing me. I don't care. It's been a couple of weeks since I've chewed something doughy, and it felt v. good in my mouth. It was so good that I nearly cried. I also drank a couple of glasses of wine, schlepped on the couch, and watched a bit of Music Choice on the digital t.v. I realized how uncool I am. I could pretend I'm cool and say I listened to this, but - c-mon - we all know I'm really listening to this, this, this, and - especially this. I'm sticking to the story that I've got good taste in tunes, but I admit to being a closet fan of Peter Cetera, Ambrosia, and (gods of uber-cool musical tastes, please forgive me), Gino Vanelli.

Anyway ~

Here's my two-cents about the 2004 R&R Hall of Fame Inductees. The only one that I feel strongly about in whole lot is Traffic. I know Prince is influential, and I do like Z.Z. Top (Sidenote: Favorite Z.Z. Top song - ever.) I also think out of the two remaining Beatles that haven't been inducted as a solo artist yet, George Harrison easily blows Ringo away (sorry, Ringo fans.) Bob Seger and Jackson Browne? They're all right, but I didn't see their names and automatically think "awwyeah!" Traffic, however, is a sentimental fave. Songs like "Glad" and "Low Spark of High Heeled Boys" still sound incredibly fresh to me. I adore their blend of jazz, rock, and funk. It's a tough call, but I'd have to say Low Spark would be my favorite, with John Barleycorn a close second.

Speaking of tunes, I've noticed my online radio station thingy has been mixing-up the tunes a little more the past couple of days. (More proof of my incredibly cool/sappy/all-over-the-place taste in music.) Launchcast is low-tech (kind of like Blogger), which makes it right up my non-cool alley. The only beef I have is the lack of stuff available to add to my list. (Shut-up. I do have a life.)

One last tuneage-related thought ~

I'm looking forward to the release of the new Air c.d. Here's a video for one of the tunes on it. It's kind of pretty, and possibly not safe for work (even though this is the censored version.) It's porn-inspired, but it doesn't glamorize it. Here's the Cherry Blossom Girl video.

Here's the video of the song they wrote for me. Seriously.

O.K. Here's one more. (One of my favorite Air songs, from the soundtrack of "Virgin Suicides".)

p.s. Griff's ass hat post made me LOL this morning.

Ouch.

 
popsicle nose

Warmth doesn't just come from wool sweaters, blankets, and hot beverages. You can listen to warm - any time, any place.

Days like these call for Bossa Nova music. I've sung the praises of this c.d. before, and decided this was a good day to pull it out and listen. Sinatra's voice is in rare form. It caresses you. I get goosebumps in spite of sub-freezing temps. His phrasing on "Meditation" knocks me out. This c.d. is a string of pearls, sleeveless black dress, and whispers over cocktails. What music warms your cockles?

In other news ~

I parked myself on the world's most comfortable sofa Friday night. I watched "Ed", and the new "Dweezil and Lisa" cooking show on the Food Network. It was a v. dull cooking show. I wanted to like it, but it was kind of painful. I thought to myself - how sad is it that I'm lying on the sofa, on a Friday night, watching Dweezil and Lisa go grocery shopping? They seemed intensely disgusted by the meat section, and explained this was why they were vegetarians. Huh? Didn't she say she liked bacon?? The next thing I know they're eating Southern delicacies like chicken and waffles, salmon croquettes, etcetera. Then they went to get chili-dogs at the drive-in (Lisa stuck to a grilled cheese sandwich, since she's a "vegetarian"), and they ate birthday cake. I'm sure there was other stuff going on, but I fell asleep. (Please don't fall asleep on me mid-post.) Saturday morning I had a killer migraine. I threw up, took two Excedrin Migraines, and went to bed. While I was lying there I thought about that bit about pain control I'd read in Time last week. I eventually made it out of bed, but I was too weak to go out with the girls.

Sunday was dreary, but comfortable. I made oatmeal cookies, and my world-famous roast chicken. I snipped a few leaves of sage and sprigs of rosemary from the plants I've got growing near the front door. I took a couple of cloves of garlic, and chopped them up with the rosemary and sage. I squeezed the juice from half a lemon over the chicken, then stuffed some of the garlic/herb mixture under the skin of the breast. I sprinkled the remainder over the chicken, tossed on a couple of pinches of kosher salt, some freshly ground pepper, and topped it all off with a little olive oil. Yumtastical. (Seriously, I hope you haven't fallen asleep during this post.)

I'm trying to avoid hard news, but was wondering if anyone was surprised by this?

I need a vacation. I need room service. I want to phone the front desk and have someone bring me a bottle of champagne and strawberries. I want to ponder whether I'm going to get the massage before or after lunch.

I'm tired. Really, really tired.

relax

I may get homesick, but it's nice to know I'm living in a city that knows how to relax.

Speaking of relaxing, this place will be exactly one mile from my front door.

Speaking of relaxing (even more), today is jeans and green wool sweater day. I'm wired for comfort. How about you?

Tomorrow night is girls night out. Hurrah!

Have a nice weekend.

let's talk about sex

The current issue of Time Mag tackles the issue of sexuality, and there are a few things I thought we could discuss. Things that struck me as interesting.

1. It's kind of along the same lines as "excessive loss of blood and oxygen can lead to death", but - the big headline claims a healthy sex life = longevity. It's not news that we're born sexual creatures, but the thing that struck me as interesting is the fact that scientists are finally getting around to the fact that we're not just doing it because of the primal need to procreate. [insert sarcastic tone of voice] Yep, it's not just Biology, folks. I don't know about you, but I've never believed that. Let's take women, for example. Why do you think God gave us our hot buttons? They're little gifts whose sole purpose is pleasure, unlike the ol' pink torpedo. Another interesting fact is that "of all the urges that drive us, it's passion to be held that makes itself known first." It's that craving of skin-on-skin contact that we never outgrow, and - honestly - it's not strictly a sexual response. It is an impetus, though. The good news? It keeps you healthy! Awwwyeah.

2. Women's sexuality has come a long way in the past 100-plus years. Here's a Victorian-Era quote that struck me as funny, from "Instruction and Advice for the Young Bride" (1894) ~ "At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth. Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: give little, give seldom, and above all give grudgingly."

Heh.

This was the same era that had doctors prescribing "treatments" with vibrators as a means to cure "hysteria" in women. Flash-forward to modern times. One of the things that the internet and cable television has done is to help chip away at a few of the remaining barriers that have kept women from becoming a little more knowledgeable. A few years ago I can honestly say I would not have been comfortable talking about stuff like this. Now it's kind of like talking about shoes. I even had a girlfriend tell me that her friend gave her a fabulous one as a birthday gift. (Mmmmmmm, Duracell....)

Anyway - even for the most outwardly timid, thanks to the internet you can have one in every color delivered to your doorstep - discreetly! (Not that I would know...)

There's also the "Samantha Factor" - a lot of women these days are much more sexually empowered, and have taken on some of their male counterparts "Hugh Hefner-ish" ideals. Ladies are making booty-calls, and more. Another interesting twist to this plot is the fact that men seem to be getting a little more in touch with their [traditional] female side. From a personal standpoint, I can't locate the separation of the sex drive and romantic passion. I am just not wired that way.

3. Speaking of the internet.... Mark Schwartz, director of the Masters and Johnson clinic in St. Louis, Mo., says porn not only causes men to objectify women--seeing them as an assemblage of breasts, legs and buttocks--but also leads to a dependency on visual imagery for arousal. "Men become like computers, unable to be stimulated by the human beings beside them," he says. "The image of a lonely, isolated man masturbating to his computer is the Willy Loman metaphor of our decade."

That quote made me sad. Look, I'm not a prude. I've seen more than my fair-share of porn. I know that's not real life. I don't look like Jenna Jameson, and that's all right with me. I'm at a point in my life where I'm really happy with the way I look physically. (Sidenote: Do you really want to spice things up in the bedroom? Have confidence. You don't have to be perfect.) It's just not that sexy to me any more. What's sexy? Words. Thoughts. Something a little more subtly seductive than seeing object A inserted into object B over-and-over-and-over again at extreme close-up angles. I'm not completely against porn, I just think the pervasiveness of it is setting up a lot of people - namely, young people for unrealistic expectations.

We're all fascinated by sex. It sells. Yadda yadda... The chemistry of love is interesting stuff.

One more thing - something that interests me - blog-wise - is the ability some people have to share personal details of their sex lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, and, honestly, I kind of dig reading it. I can't do that. You'll never be getting any blow-by-blow accounts of what goes down in my bedroom. Padraic touched on this topic not long ago - I'm sure I could get a lot more hits if I dished, it's just not me.

pursuing rainbows

I stumbled upon this site while Googling images of Hico. This picture made me cry.

I could blame it on the hormones, but for now I'll just chalk it up to gray matter.

I'm homesick. You can't take the Texas out of me. I was born in Baylor Hospital, and grew up near the shores of White Rock Lake. My blood is maroon. As a child I spent many weekends at our farm - I was always climbing Live Oak trees, pulling cactus needles from my little hands (yes, that fuzz really does hurt), and daydreaming about all things Big. I'd ride in the back of my Dad's pick-up while he'd go check on the cows grazing in the back of the pasture. We had around 35 white-faced Herefords, the sweetest cows in the land. I'd pull my arms away from the Mesquite trees that grew a little too close to the path. I always appreciated the incomprehensible simplicity of it all. There was nothing fancy, and that always felt right to me. I've had the good fortune to experience some fairly top-drawer stuff in my life, but nothing will ever beat a cup of coffee on that old back porch, feeling the heat of the day creep up on you before your breakfast could be digested.

Go eat some Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream for me. Have a Dr. Pepper. Don't worry - I'll keep my tears to myself.

I miss it all something fierce.

Later~ Hrmm. A fetching soundtrack for the mood du jour.

:-)

I've wanted a copy of the soundtrack music for "Ed" for a long, long time.

My wish came true Friday.

David, you are the cat's meow. Sending you a very special Thank You, Blogstyle. (Another very special thanks for the copy of "Siddhartha".)

A few more reasons I've had to smile in the past week ~

1. I was able to watch it snow all day long Friday. (There's more snow in the forecast for Thursday.)

2. I've been embracing my domesticity. I've cooked, cleaned, and [this is the part that's incredible] - sewn! Sure - it was only a button on my new pajamas, but this was a huge step for the girl that turned down Home-Ec in 8th grade in order to be an English tutor. I still don't iron, though.

3. I'm having the best hair days I've had in the past year-and-a-half. I had it colored Friday, and it's very dark in the back, with a few new wisps of blonde, and very chunky blonde in front. My colorist said my hair is in great shape - she only trimmed it a bit. It's also getting very long. Seriously. These things can make a lady smile.

4. I found out there's a campaign to have lust removed from the list of the seven deadly sins.

5. I've lost two pounds, and I'm still exercising on a daily basis. This makes me want to crank up Bodyrock and dance around in my skivvies.

O.K. This is sounding a little too shallow. I'm going to start being v. serious now.

Only ten more months until the big election. I smile because I take it seriously. I am informed. I may not have my Virginia Drivers License yet, but you'd better believe I'm a registered voter in this state.

And ~ I just made my appointment with the new Gynecologist to get my Pap Smear. (Yes, yes - I've been putting it off far too long.) January 26th, 10:00 a.m. Giddy-up!

 
My boots could put your eye out.

One more thing ~

I need this.

warmth

There's lots of talk about the weather. Specifically, how cold it is. Bone-chilling. All you need to warm up is your favorite hot beverage, your blankie, and a copy of this c.d.. Sufjan Stevens is a new discovery for me. I stumbled upon him visiting NPR's "Best Songs of 2003". (Sidenote: Yet another "best of" list. Sigh. I think it's a fantastic one. O.K. - I've got a silly question. Is it possible to burn all 31 of these songs onto a c.d.? That sure would make me happy.)

Back to Sufjan. "Romulus" is the song on the list that hooked me. (You can download a couple of other songs from the c.d. at Asthmatic Kitty Records.)

I love "discovering" new things, there's just so much stuff out there. When I come across things like this I wonder what else am I missing?

p.s. I'm also diggin' Kings of Leon. That'll heat you up, too.

p.p.s. Completely off-topic, but the "Low-Carb Revolution" is killing me. I can't eat a piece of bread without feeling guilty. It's insane. You can't escape the hype. (Even at 7-Eleven! Speaking of 7-Eleven, they are like totally my favorite place to get coffee now. Sorry. I'm digressing all over the place.) I'm still wondering if there's such a thing as a "happy medium"...

mea culpa

Here are a few frivolous stupid reasons I'm feeling like a loser:

1. On New Year's Eve I went to Blockbuster to rent some movies. I handed the desk girl my card, and she told me I had $12 in late fees.

"Are you sure?", I asked her.

"Yes, it shows you turned blahdeblah movies in at 5:00 p.m., and they were due by noon that day."

I decided this was something worth arguing about, so I said, "I know I didn't turn those in at 5:00 p.m. That was Christmas Eve. I dropped the movies off around 12:30 p.m., went to Eckerd's, then went home."

"Do you want to speak with the Manager?"

I said, "Yes."

She waved the Manager over to take over the discussion, and I said something along the lines of "This girl said I dropped off some movies at 5:00 p.m., and I know I didn't. I think it's nuts to make me pay a late fee for something I dropped off only a few minutes late."

He reluctantly took the late charges off my account, and told me that "next time I drop off movies I take an extra two minutes to bring them inside, and get a receipt with the date and time I dropped them off."

Later I relayed the story to D., who informed me I was wrong. A rule is a rule, and even if I'd dropped the movies in the bin at 12:01 p.m., they have every right to charge me the late fee.

He was right. I felt like an idiot for making such a big deal over something so small.

2. This morning as I was driving I approached a right turn. The light was red. I looked to the left, noticed no oncoming traffic, and made my turn. A few seconds later I noticed police lights in my rearview mirror. I looked around, and wondered if I should get out of his way. He was obviously after someone else, right? Well, he was right on my bumper, so I pulled over into a left-turn lane. He stopped behind me, and for the life of me I couldn't figure out what I'd done, other than possibly speeding. I reached into the backseat to get my purse. I rolled down my window.

The officer looked at me and asked, "Do you know the rule of the red light?"

What was I supposed to say? "Yes, I do."

"A red light means stop. Not slow down. You didn't come to a complete stop before you made that right turn back there."

I tried to give him my best aw-shucks-I'm-such-a-silly-woman look. "I'm sorry, officer."

"May I please have your drivers license."

I dug out my license (which just so happens to still be my Texas license. Ugh.)

"You've got an out-of-state license. Are you military?"

"No, I - umm - recently moved to Virginia."

"How recently?"

"A couple of months ago." (I silently pray lightning doesn't strike my lying ass down.)

"Did you know you only have 30 days after you've moved to obtain your new license?" (Hrm. Lie wouldn't have helped anyway...)

"No, I didn't know that. I'll get that done a.s.a.p."

He went back to his car, checked things out, and came back to my car.

"I'm going to let you go this time, but promise me you'll drive safely."

"Thank you, I will."

I was lucky. He easily could've given me a ticket. I'd broken at least two rules. As I completed my drive I started to feel crappy about lying. I don't care how small the lie is, it still makes me feel corrupt. I don't need this.

3. Later, my exceptionally sucky communication skills have left me sad. Normally I'd at least try to make things right, but I'm tired. I'm sorry, and tired.

is there such a thing as a "happy medium"?

I've had a hard time not living my life in extremes. I think I can pinpoint why this is. Fear.

Fear has played a huge role in shaping the way I deal with things. I don't have the market cornered in this area, but at times it's been crippling for me. I'm afraid of rejection. I'm afraid of looking stupid. I'm afraid I won't "measure up". I'm afraid of getting hurt. The next minute I'm not "giving a rat's ass" about what anyone thinks or feels. It's crazy.

I've thought about ways to get to some sort of mid-ground. Is it possible? Perhaps. Will I be able to pull it off? I hope so. I've just got to shake hands with common sense a little more often.

An area that's been lacking in my life is spiritual focus. There's an inner peace that nothing can touch when you realize you're not the center of the Universe. (Sidenote: I will admit I am a bit of a control freak. I'm spoiled, and persistent, and I don't like it when things don't go my way. I hate this part of my personality, and I'm working hard to give it up.) I've started reading the Bible, and my goal is to finish by the end of the year. (It's easy. Five minutes a day. It's also damn interesting.) I'm not sure how many of you out there have read it - cover to cover.

In the past, the grip that fear has had on my life has sucked the joy right out of it. I learned early on how to be pessimistic, and I've had to re-train myself to be positive. Example: Yesterday I probably would've flipped to another station after Shaun Alexander scored a TD with less than a minute to go. I would've been happier watching something else than to face the possibility of being disappointed. I channeled my nervous energy into cleaning, and was standing in the kitchen when Al Harris intercepted that pass. I got to jump. I got to cheer. I got to smile.

I'm also working on balance in other areas.

The physical. I'm a much better person when I feel good, and feeling good doesn't necessarily mean looking good. I'm never going to be able to follow a "diet". I believe in a lot of the ideas that come from diets, but I can't give up pizza and beer. (I can have it only a few times a month, but I can't give it up completely. Sorry.) I figured that I'd focus on what comes easy for me. Drinking a lot of water is easy. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a beauty and diet "secret" that anyone can do. Another thing that is pretty easy for me is movement. I don't have the knees or back for running, but I love Pilates, I love the Total Gym, I don't mind doing work with the free weights, and I enjoy walking. The point is I do what I like. My downfall is eating and drinking. (I don't have a problem with weight, but I'm also not getting any younger.) I believe I'm finding some balance in this area. (Hello, common sense.) Speaking of fitness, according to Men's Fitness Virginia Beach is the third fittest city in America.

The mental. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not watching television as much, or that I'm reading Nietzsche for breakfast, Presocratic Philosophy for lunch, and Tolstoy for dinner. I find just as much knowledge in Homer Simpson as I do in Shakespeare. (Sidenote: Did anyone else catch SATC and Curb Your Enthusiasm last night?) Anyway - where was I? Oh yes. Mental balance. The easiest part of this equation is there's not that much quality stuff out there. There is, however, a lot of stuff.

Emotional balance. This one is a toughie. Fear's been slamming shut my ability to communicate, but I think there's hope. For a long time I felt like I wasn't "worthy" of my feelings. (There's a lot of history here, but - life's too short, yadda yadda....) I know I'll never get what I need until I ask for it. I'm starting to ask for it.

So - is it possible to achieve spiritual, emotional, physical, and mental balance? Do you know what a "happy medium" is?